So, I wrote this months ago but haven't posted it because it really annoys me when people try to act like an expert and I don't want to seem like I think I'm a know it all. After a lot of consideration I decided to finally post it anyway. Mostly because for some reason I find it satisfying to have a list of all the stuff I think works the best. Weird.
I continue to learn with each day I spend as a mommy. Sometimes lessons are learned easily, some are learned through struggles so intense it seems like torture, and some (my personal favorite) are taught through extreme humilation. Luckily, these are the ones you get to laugh about later. Given that I have lots of friends getting ready to be new mommies, and someday my sisters will be new mommies, I thought I'd write down some things I have learned over the past few months. I read a lot about babies before having one and I still felt (and feel) like a dummy quite frequently. I figure this will also help me whenever number 2 comes around since this baby has robbed me of my memory.
Memory Robber! It's ok if you need to pause for a minute here to kiss your computer/phone. I had to take a few moments myself.
Number One Most Important Rule: You do whatever keeps
you sane and whatever works for
you. To be frank, "F" whatever you are worried that others will think of you. This is something I struggled with, especially in the first few weeks. Stay off the boards on your favorite baby site. They are full of judgemental bitches (sorry..but they are) who will slowly rob you of your confidence. Even if you don't post on the boards, be careful of what you even choose to read. If you want to take your baby out to Wal-Mart the day you get home and you are comfortable with this, DO IT. If you feel that your baby needs to stay at home for the first six weeks and you think you can remain sane without leaving the house for a month and a half, by all means, DO IT. Remind yourself of this rule on a daily basis. This rule pre-empts everything else I will say. I do not think that being a mom for a few weeks makes me an expert, I make mistakes, my way might not work for you and that is just fine, but I am pretty confident in the fact that this rule works for everyone. Please, take this advice. The rest of this will just be me throwing some ideas out there.
Miles first restaurant visit at 2 weeks. He survived.
Miles enjoying a Florida vacation at 2 weeks. We do what we want. ;)
Before Birth and Having Your Baby:
Bring whatever you'd like to the hospital. You probably won't need ANY of it, but if you end up like me and make the hospital your new home you might be glad you had it.
If you have never seen someone in labor in real life, try to avoid spending as much time in the waiting / check in area as possible. It will scare you.
Please take some sort of pain management class before you go into labor. I don't want to scare anyone, but the epidurals don't always work and if you aren't prepared for dealing with pain you will regret it.
Take a breast feeding class and understand that if you choose to breastfeed or pump you will do NOTHIING but breastfeed and pump. Nothing. I was completely unprepared for the demands of breastfeeding. Before I had the baby I planned to breastfeed but I thought I wouldn't be disappointed if it didn't work out. That changed. I was not prepared for the time commitment, had an extremely hungry baby, milk that was slow to come in and ended up extremely disappointed that it didn't work out. You will be suprised at the animal instincts that take over in many aspects of being a mother.
After you have your baby you will be expected to keep a detailed mental record of your baby's poops (frequency, color
and consistency), pees, feeding times, and feeding amounts. You WILL be tested frequently and you will feel like a dummy if you don't know the answer. This might sound easy. For me it was not. For me it was not easy to tell the nurse what day of the week it was. Get a watch. Write it down. Better yet, have your husband write it down.
Your life now revolves around a clock.
Hmmm. The picture illustrating color and consistency didn't come through. Don't worry, you'll figure it out. The word seedy will become an important part of your vocabulary.
Know that you will have to feed your baby
very frequently. If your baby doesn't eat enough, he won't poop enough. If he doesn't poop enough he is sure to develop jaundice which SUCKS! If you ever want to get him out of the hospital you will have to leave him in that glow worm bed even when he is screaming for you. It is heartbreaking and I don't want any of my current or future little pregnant lovies out there to experience this.
I do not expect any of you to actually do this, but if you can you will probably be glad you did. Put the baby in the nursery. Even if it's just for an hour at a time. I won't go any further on this because you know why you should do it and you know you aren't going to. I didn't.
If possible, have someone at home to help you. Seriously. You will want your husband to be with you every second you are in the hospital.
You will want him more when you get home unless you have someone else to be there. My recommendation is that you make this mandatory if you end up with a C-Section. You can imagine how hard it would be to simply get up off the couch after your belly has been cut open. Doing it with a baby in your arms is almost impossible.
I didn't realize that almost everyone gets the baby blues for the first week or two. Holy Moly! It is ridiculous! I think having someone with you will probably ease this a bit also. By the way, this will ease up 500% but your emotions will probably never be totally the same again. I NEVER cried at movies. I cried watching this past Sunday's episode of The Walking Dead. This is about ZOMBIES for goodness sake!
Tugs at your heart strings huh?
I think I might be an exception on this one but I recommend sleeping in your own bed when you bring baby home. My plan was to bring the baby home and sleep in another room with him so we didn't disturb my husband who had to go back to work. This was not right for me. Having a baby at home can be overwhelming and after a week I realized that I needed to do something to comfort
myself if I was to be a good mommy. That night I hooked up the monitor, checked it a gazillion times, put Miles in his crib in his own room and climbed into my favorite spot in the whole world: My bed next to my husband. Although I was jolted wide awake with every crackle that came over the monitor, I felt like a new woman when I woke up in the morning. Bye Bye Baby Blues.
Baby Registry's and Merchandise.
Buy this book: "The Mom's On Call Guide to Basic Baby Care". It was recommended by my midwife and I will be forever grateful for this. It really is just the basics. Straightforward no nonsense information written by nurses. The best part is it will teach you how to get your baby to
sleep through the night at two weeks. It works for many many people. Follow the instructions TO THE LETTER.
Borrow It, Buy It, Order It...whatever. Just get your hands on it. You will thank me.
I have learned that baby "stuff" isn't really for baby. It is for you. Baby has no idea what she is sitting, bouncing, rocking in. When you register you will want the best top of the line stuff for your baby. Register for whatever you want because people will want to buy you nice stuff but top of the line is not needed 9 times out of 10 so when you are spending your own money try to be a little more savvy. If you must have the top of the line stuff, buy it at a second hand store. You will be able to find almost new stuff for 1/3 the price. If you can settle for non-top of the line stuff I still recommend the second hand store, but if you want new stuff I'd say go for TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Ross, or Burlington Coat factory (this place is new to me but it has a huge baby stuff section and is priced well.) Your baby will no longer use this stuff by the time you figure out how to work all the buttons. Note: Good second hand stores are very careful not to use outdated or recalled items. Be careful with garage sales, Goodwill, or hand-me-downs.
Try to have some sort of contraption to set your baby down in each area of your house. I have a pack and play downstairs, a swing in my bedroom which is fabulous if you like to shower, a play mat in another room, etc.
The swing is fabulous. Safety belts are on these things for a reason. Your baby can fall out!
We stay buckled in now!
You don't need everything on your registry checklist. If it seems stupid, it probably is. Once your baby is here if he or she is very upset by a room temperature wipe on their precious little booty, go buy a diaper warmer. Don't feel like you
have to have something like this before he arrives otherwise you are probably going to have a bunch of stuff you never use.
I love my glider. Even though I don't need to use it a lot, I feel like the time I spend there is quality time. It is time for me and my son without any distractions. If you buy the book mentioned above you probably won't
need a glider either but if you choose not to get one, do try to designate some special place for you and baby that does not involve tv, phones, computers, etc.
I bought the cheapest decent looking furniture I could and I have been happy with it. The crib is convertible and the rest of the furniture is regular adult stuff that he will be able to use as he gets older. I got it shipped "site to store" from wal-mart which was a pain in the butt but I'm glad I didn't spend my life savings on baby furniture.
See? He sleeps fine in his Wal-Mart crib! Save your money for diapers!
Necessities
The necessities are what make having babies so expensive so I have done quite a bit of trial and error to find the balance of price / quality that works for me.
Join Amazon Mom and the Publix Baby Club.
Generic diapers are ok. They are not as soft as name brand diapers and they are not as absorbant but if they don't irritate baby's skin and you are good about changing frequently go ahead with using them. Miles got a really bad diaper rash that took forever to go away so I buy Pampers Swaddlers and I love them.
They are super soft and if you order them from Amazon Mom and use the subscribe and save option you can get them for just as cheap as the generic store brand diapers and shipping is free.
If you are a formula feeder and your baby's tummy isn't sensitive, discuss generic brand formula with your pediatrician. I saved a
bundle of money using Costco's Kirkland brand baby formula after my pediatrician told me it was the same as name brand and I compared ingredients and nutrients myself.
Bottles are still a mystery to me. I have tried just about everything out there and while there aren't really any that I have loved, I have grown to tolerate the Evenflo Purely Comfi bottles. The Avent bottles are ok too, and they are very popular but I like the Purely Comfi ones the best.
One very important thing to know about bottles is that you must be mindful of the nipple that they come with. I almost drowed my son giving him a "fast flow" bottle as a newborn. It's no wonder he is such a fatty...his silly mother was force feeding him! My recommendation would be to start with the cheapest bottles and work your way up based on your baby's comfort / sensitivity level.
I use Kirkland Brand Wipes from Costco. They are recommended by the Mom's On Call because they don't have too many chemicals and don't leave behind any irritating residue. Those things are good. And they are cheap.
We don't really use binky's too much. My experience is that if the baby is crying he probably needs something other than a binky. If Miles is fed, clean, rested, and gets a change of scenery every now and then he doesn't cry. I still offer it to him at bedtime because they say it lowers they risk of sids. He usually won't take it because at that time he is fed, clean, on his way to sleep, and I am not going to force the thing on him. I would rather avoid having to go through the torturous process of breaking the binky habit anyway. However, if your baby is still crying after she/he is fed, clean, rested, and has had a change of scenery, I say save your sanity and give them the damn binky!
Dr. Visits.
Pay and schedule your next appointment before your child gets the shots. You do not want to be hung up with an office manager while your child screams his head off.
Babies don't feel good after they got shots. Might consider taking the day off if you can.
Some offices have a special room for sick or well or newborn kids. Know this before you go, otherwise you will look like the cute little newbie that you are!
Dress your kid in whatever is easy to get him out of. She is gonna get naked and I get nervous having a nurse who is super experienced with kids watching over my shoulder while I struggle to get my child undressed and undiapered.
Miles pees or poops the moment is diaper comes off at the doctors office. Not so much at home. Always at the doctors office. Be prepared for this or your nurse is going to get a suprise. By the way...the nurses don't like it if you put a poopy diaper in the trash can in the exam room. Put it in the diaper genie in the bathroom.
I doubt I will ever completely stop worrying about how to proceed with raising my child. (I wake up literally every single night afraid that Miles is in my bed and I have smothered him. This is despite the fact that he does not sleep in bed with me.)
As you can see, when I said I have learned a lot in the past few weeks, I meant it! It is an everyday thing. Know that no matter how much you prepare you will still feel like a dummy every now and then. It is important to be able to laugh at yourself. Luckily you will be so thrilled with your little munchkin, laughing at yourself will be easy.
Bring twice the amount of clothes you think you might need in your diaper bag.
If you bring only two changes of clothes, eventually your baby will come home like this.
Sound asleep in his pack and play...with a blanket and pillow. "Gasp! But he could smother himself!" I am comfortable with allowing him to have a blanket and pillow in his pack and play for naps while he is supervised so I do it. I bundle him up in warm pj's at night time because I am not comfortable with leaving him unsupervised all night long with blankets and pillows. Do what you are comfortable with!
My plan is to try to continue to update this blog with products and ideas that I think are the best. Here are some other things I have learned to love:
Circo socks. Sold everywhere. My mom got me onto these because she didn't like the "stupid shorty socks" I was putting Miles in. Turns out these are the only socks that stay on my kid. They have to be just like these...not the fluffy ones or the short ones. Those come right off.
Miles had the worst diaper rash ever when he was just a little babe. After going through about 5 different kinds of diaper rash cream..this stuff finally did the trick. He also gets really dry cheeks. I put some of this on before bedtime and he wakes up with silky smooth skin. It is kind of expensive so I use regular old vaseline for preventative maintenance. As far as diaper rash products go, I recommend the clear stuff. The cream stuff never helped a bit.
I searched high and low to find teething rings I thought Miles would like. Most of them just seemed so hard! I can't imagine chewing on a rock hard piece of plastic would feel good on my gums so I was hunting for something soft when I found these. They are nice and soft and Miles loved them.
My favorite baby soap is Baby Magic. Purely for the reason that to me it smells most like baby. Luckily Miles hasn't had any of the skin issues that many baby's have so I can't speak on how well it works on sensitive skin.
Obvious. This is my favorite baby lotion. It smells just like the Baby Magic baby soap. Miles doesn't need it but I put it on him anyway so when I am spending time nuzzling into his little neck I can smell it.
