"Hi Everyone!"
The weeks leading up to the "anatomy scan" appointment was probably the longest most obsessive time of my life. I was so completely consumed with with wonder and excitement and the ever present motherly worry that I was literally sick of myself. To be honest, finding out that our little peanut is a boy was....bewildering. Leading up to the appointment I truly didn't feel that I had a gender preference, and maybe I didn't, but leaving the appointment I didn't really feel the way I expected too. There was excitement, and happiness, pride, and flashes of Saturday morning t-ball games, and then there was this other feeling that wasn't as fun. A boy seemed so unreal to me. I never really thought a boy was a possibility for me (weird but true). Along with the blissful images of t-ball games came flashes of evil teeny bopper bimbos after my precious boy, a worry that I would be outnumbered as he grew older and had more in common with his dad than me, a fear of never having a mother-daughter relationship or picking out tiny flowered sundresses.......and a dread of the day far far away when that I would have to let him go. It seems silly, but I really felt....kind of sad. At first I felt soooo guilty for not having 100% positive feelings because I thought this sad feeling was related to the fact that I was having a boy. Several weeks later, I still peek longingly at the little flowered sundresses, but I think the majority of that cloud on my sunny day was called reality setting in. I really think that had I been having a baby girl there would have been a different set of fears. This little "it" growing inside me became so much less of an abstract thing. He became so much more real. The baby website I frequent asks, "When did you start to feel like you were a mother?". It's funny how many different answers there are and how wide the timeframe is. For me I think it's a gradual process, but that day a feeling of motherhood hit me like a brick wall. I was so worried when I found out I was pregnant and I was told that I would be worried about my baby far beyond pregnancy....that day I began to understand that statement.
Pregnancy is emotional! But not all about worry. We are at 21 weeks now....beyond half way!!!!! Rather than feeling like the time is slooooooowly ticking by I truly feel like we have made it over the hill and speed is building. Bedding has arrived (this was a MAJOR task that took hours on top of hours to conquer. Baby won't even remember the damn bedding but his dad will have nightmares about this process for the rest of his life) and crib and dresser are on their way. Belly is groooooooowing!
For various reasons it took me a little longer than most mama's to feel my little one moving and kicking, but it is finally happening and it is AH-MAZING. It's another way to make this pregnancy seem more real and I feel so much more bonded to my little boy. I'm working on finding his schedule so that Matt can feel him too. I can't wait for that day. It seems like Matt experiences these baby emotions and epiphanies a bit after I do (which I understand is the norm) and sometimes it stinks that we can't experience these things together, but it's also kind of neat to have an understanding of something and then get to watch him experience it. The other day I found a baby shirt that looks just like his work shirt and it brought the biggest smile to our faces. I get the biggest thrill thinking about our son wanting to be just like his papa.
This weekend Matt is going to be busy painting. Our room this weekend and baby's room next weekend. I hope it isn't strange that we have been putting so much effort into our own room. I just want to have a peaceful and pretty place for me and Matt to relax once the chaos begins. Hopefully the nursery will be painted next weekend and furniture will arrive soon. Pics will be posted as soon as it's ready!
Lots of Love!'
It seems like every baby company on earth received a memo saying Jenny Boyd is pregnant! Here is her address, mail her tons of crap! Our mailbox if flooded with all things baby. Today I came home to this lovely surprise.....
The Victoria Secret Swimsuit Catalog. Hmpf. Apparently, THEY MISSED THE MEMO!
